Yesterday's Special

Yesterday was not particularly special.
But I did clean out the bathtub using some pretty harsh chemicals. (You have to in this day and age with to fight the evil ever strengthening forces of THE ENVIRONMENT (and/or ALISTS)!!!
Anyway, after the battle, I noticed that there were a bunch of ants just hanging around this small part of the tub!? So I was all like: "Excus-ah me-ah mista ants! Whaaaats-ah matta yo moouuuth?", but they completely ignored my cleverly disguised Nicaraguan accent (thinly veiled by a poor man's Italian accent). Those ants did not move! It was weird. So I told them so. Didn't change a thing. So I gave one of them a "middle finger salute" catapult style. That... seemed to work. They all scattered and I concluded that the chlorine must have dazed them. So I guess the moral of the story is that those ants reminded me of the mannequin Jeff from that old TV show "Today's Special"! It also reminded me that I have a poor understanding of morals of stories. Man that Jeff was one hell of an idiot. I was 3 years old and I knew that most of his life's worries could be put to an end if he'd just put a strap on that damn hat.
In celebration of this epic tale, let us all enjoy a nutritious trip down memory lane with a side of badly constructed and confusing metaphors.