Burning Down The House (but not for real)

Ottawa December 26th 2009: Yesterday night (Christmas), my mom's neighbor's fire alarm was going off. The house was filled with smoke and 911 was called. Luckily it was just a ton of smoke from a smoldering fire in the fireplace. Nobody was home and there was no real damage. Lots of firetrucks though, so that was pretty cool. Another Festivus Miracle! Perhaps later we can do the "The Feats of Strength" or "The Airing Of Grievances".

Christmas, Christmas Hurry Fast

OK sports fans, It's Xmas in less than 2 hours so I have to make this one short. Here are some pictures of the family Christmas tree with a brief explanation:
First off, here is what the tree looks like. This year for the first time in Mike History I somehow assumed the authority of what the tree's theme would be and had veto over what could be on the tree and what would not. Those who know me would not be surprised to learn that sentiment holds less than average value to me when compared to most. So I didn't care whose dying wish it was that this glass figurine be as our tree's angel: it didn't meet my colour scheme criteria, so it's out! My scheme was basically Red and silver only. I streached it to include gold and green as well. Why did everyone allow me this dictatorship? I could only think of two reasons. 1) I spoke with unwavering authority and confidence. 2) Everyone knew from previous experience that there was always the underlying threat that I could begin projectile launching decorations at the tree at the drop of a candy cane. Typically this practice of mine (and my accomplice sister), could suck the joy of of any tree decorating ceremony faster than Dracula could drain a hemophiliac on Aspirin. Anyway the tree passed inspection and here is what it looked like:

Another thing to note is that when it comes to ruining Xmas tree decorating I am somewhat of a quadrupal threat. Aside from throwing decorations into the tree, I also hide small pieces of laundry & Kleenex brand tissues in people's trees. This practice is my Hallmark calling card so that people know who ruined their holiday season. I have another trick where I take translucent Xmas bulbs and place them over the Xmas light bulbs. This is subttle but awesome. My last feat of strength is that I rebuild Crystal Palace every year in the depths of my own tree. Crystal Palace is a place that (I like to believe) a super villain would feel at home carrying out his or her earth-conquering duties in a stylish and relaxed setting. This year's was more discreet than most. Plot away Dr. Quail! Plot away!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Merry Christmas.

Tribute to Time Lapse Videos

I don't have much to say about this, but here is a time lapse video of the assembling of the rink at Fenway Park where the NHL's Winter Classic will take place in the new year. The Boston Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers will face off in the Winter Classic NHL hockey game on Jan. 1, 2010. If your fear of time lapse videos is not crippling then I highly recommend that you watch.

Tribute to German Class

Today we are all going to celebrate one of the great "Wonders of My Three Years of German Class" in high school at École secondaire publique De La Salle. Although the wonders of this 3 year journey are many and densely spaced, this tongue-twister/song/poem has stuck with me for some time, and today I found the many missing verses of it that I never cared for. I share them with you all on this day.

The song is called "Ob er aber über Oberammergau" and pays tribute to Oberammergau which is a municipality in the district of Garmisch-Partenkirchen, in Bavaria, Germany. At least that's what it said on Wikipedia. Also featured in the song, is Oberammergau neighbouring town of Unterammergau.

Ob er aber über Oberammergau

Heut kommt der Hans zu mir,
Freut sich die Lies'
Ob er aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau.
Oder aber überhaupt net kommt,
Des ist net g'wiss.

Heut geht die Lies' mit mir
Zum Schützenfest.
Ob sie aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau
Oder aber überhaupt net geht,
Steht noch net fest.

Wenn die Uhr zwölfe schlagt
Geh'n wir nach Haus.
Ob wir aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau
Oder aber überhaupt net geh'n
Ist noch net 'raus.

Hans ißt den Schweizerkäs
Mit dem Gebiß.
Ob er'n aber über'n Oberkiefer kaut,
Oder aber über'n Unterkiefer kaut,
Oder aber überhaupt nicht kaut,
Ist nicht gewiß.

That was more than a mouthful and should never be preformed in front of a live studio audience, unlike the Cosby Show. I found this cautionary video on YouTube on how not to sing the song. This guy seems German and seems to be at some sort of German Beer Fest taking place between the months of September and and November. He's pretty close, but he's waaaaay off.



If you or your friends have come across any fun adventures featuring this poem I'd love for you to share them with somebody interested in them. That is all for now.

UPDATE:

This guy sings it way better but has a different accent than the one taught in my german class which this very blog is tributing:

Feliz Natal Stela

Friends, family,... esteemed colleagues, great nations, random internet predators and... esteemed colleagues, behold: one of lost wonders of the internet. I bring forth to you today, a video of a dance of such calliber that only the eyes of the seven riches kings of Brasil are worthy of it; a dance that could only be created by the finest Business Intelligence team at Instituto Stela; it has no real name so the dramatic tension kind of fizzles out here.

This is the story of a dance that we all worked very hard on last year for Christmas. Admittedly, it took much hard work, practice and sacrifice as well as plenty of blood, sweat and tears (the tears were mostly Dhiogo who at first didn't care much for the music). But in the end, a tasteful dance blossomed and the fruits of our labors nourished the hungry stomachs of our empty souls. We had found our calling. The dance consumed us.

It was at this point that we decided that this dance was special and that it should never be preformed or even spoken of again. We all took a solemn oath that day that from that point on, we would all act as if the dance had never even existed, Fernando also insisted that we mention that the dance might be haunted. We all enthusiastically agreed with poor Fernando knowing full well that he just wanted attention. That was to be the end of the dance.

However, moments after swearing the most sacred oath to forever deny the dance's existence (and that maybe it was haunted), Marcio quietly mentioned that maybe it would be better to tour the land preforming our dance for all to see. This novel yet simple idea filled us with joy and hope. Marcos was so rapturous that squealed with glee so high pitched that it shattered the martini glasses that we were eating our Multigrain Cheerios out of. The Cheerios being part of our complete breakfasts. The sound also caused all the fire hydrants withing a kilometer to explode and 2 doves fell from the sky. We took this as a friendly omen that you should never break an oath; no matter how hastily you took it, or how many orphan children would be deprived of the most beautiful display of artistic effort ever to be preformed by a business intelligence unit.

Then and there, we took a second even more "most sacred" oath to never take nor break an oath again. Moments later just as Marcio was about to comment, Fernando and Dhiogo silenced him with a magical dance move they had been practicing with the EKP team during lunch hour. Then, as Marcos finished helping me bandage my bleeding nose (another casualty of the high-pitched expression of delight), we all returned to our cubicals to play Solitaire and Hearts and never was the dance preformed again.

Today my friends and foes, one year later, I bring to you long lost footage the forbidden dance which I probably never mention again due to certain "blood oaths" I allegedly made.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

This dance was brought to you by JibJab, Office Max and the great tasted of Multigrain Cheerios: Theeeeeeeeeeere Great!

Understanding Climate Change

Here is some software that Adriano, a friend of mine from Brazil, is working on. It can help evaluate the theoretical outcomes of various global CO2 policies. This would allow policy makers at United Nations Climat Change Conference - Copenhagen 2009 to quickly get an idea if their proposed policies are actually sustainable, or at least viable.

From the ISee website:

In this web seminar, instructor Chris Soderquist uses simple STELLA/iThink model to help you understand the basic concepts and systems principles driving climate change dynamics. Learn about the challenges we face, the changes we must adapt to and those we need to mitigate or avoid. Explore simulations developed by Climate Interactive that will be used at the upcoming Copehagen summit and see the future impact of worldwide policy decisions.

This webinar is the first session of a four-part web seminar series titled Modeling for Environmental Sustainability. All materials from this session are "open source" and available to share with as many people as you can!

JOIN LEAD TO WIN AND DRIVE MASSIVE INNOVATION IN CANADA’S CAPITAL REGION

Here is a message on behalf of the Lead To Win program:

JOIN LEAD TO WIN AND DRIVE MASSIVE INNOVATION IN CANADA’S CAPITAL REGION


If you are serious about starting a profitable business in Canada’s
Capital region, we invite you to apply to the November session of the Lead
to Win program.

If accepted to the program, you must attend six-days of training scheduled
for November 3, 4 and 5 and November 23, 24 and 25 of 2009. Your company
will be expected to create at least six knowledge jobs within the next
three years.

The Lead to Win program is free to qualified applicants - no strings
attached, no small print, no surprises. Individuals from 50 organizations
are investing to make Lead to Win participants successful for the benefit
of the individual and our community. The objective is to create knowledge
jobs, retain technology talent, and attract direct investment.

To apply to Lead to Win, please complete and submit the application
available at www.leadtowin.ca

We are seeking talented individuals who are able and willing to create
technology-based businesses in Canada’s Capital Region. Each new business
must be designed to grow so it can employ at least six knowledge workers
in Canada’s Capital Region over the next three years.
Lead to Win has three phases. In the first phase, you apply online.
Qualified applicants will then be invited to meet with Lead to Win
leadership. Participants will be selected based on their experience,
commitment, and opportunity profile. In the second phase, you participate
in an intense six day training program where you will learn how to lever
business ecosystems, profitably serve attractive vertical markets, and the
key factors that contribute to the ultimate success of a fledgling
technology company. Upon completion of this second phase, you will be well
equipped, and encouraged, to launch your new technology businesses in the
National Capital Region. In the third phase, Lead to Win connects you to
strategic customers, revenue opportunities, and individuals, companies and
organizations that can provide requisite resources, including capital.

If you know of serious individuals who may benefit from Lead to Win,
please forward this email to them. Note that we are only looking for
serious applicants.

We look forward to meeting the next wave of the region’s technology
entrepreneurs on November 3!

If you need additional information over what is at www.leadtowin.ca,
please contact:

Ludovico Prattico, prattico-at-sympatico.ca
Michelle Iseman, michelle.iseman-at-vitesse.ca
Serge Lafontaine, slafontaine-at-arrow.com
Ian Graham, ian-at-thecodefactory.ca
Rowland Few, rfew-at-sce.carleton.ca
Tony Bailetti, Bailetti-at-sce.carleton.ca
Yannick Bouchard, bouchard.yannick-at-gatineau.ca

The MBA Oath - Coincidence

Before I begin, let's get one thing straight. I don't subscribe to notions of determanistic futures, the concepts of fate or all the supernatural mumbo jumbo. I do, however believe that everything in the universe is connected, but that's only because our traditional naive understanding of Gravity tells us so. I also believe that there is much more to the physical world than imagine and much much more than we can visualize. But sometimes weird stuff happens, and it seems that this weird stuff happens much more often that it should... Statistically speaking of course. For instance when you are thinking about someone, then they call you on the phone. Or in more extreme circumstances; you are about to call someone, you pick up the phone and they are already there because they just dialed your number but your phone didn't even get a chance to ring yet. Well something like that happened today but in a much weirder way:

A few days ago I was chatting with a colleague of mine. Lets call him "Harley". So Harley tells me he is creating something called "The Great Canadian MBA Oath". The purpose of the oath is to increase integrity and accountability of MBAs (who will eventually be in command of the corporations that control our lives and the lives of our beloved children, friends and family and what you will). So, as it went, I tell him that he should talk to the Aspen Institute because they are into that sort of thing. I had talked to one of their depute directors a few weeks ago (lets call her Nancy) and sent an email introduction between her and Harley asking if anyone at Aspen would be interested in MBA oaths or oath related business. So Nancy replies to Harley referring him to a director at Aspen, who will be "henceforth" known as Rich.

Nothing happens for a day or so. I am wandering around on Twitter and find this guy who is suggesting some good CSR people to know about on Twitter. I decide to follow them reading each of their last tweets. Who would have guessed it? One of them just Tweeted about an MBA Oath just launched at Harvard Business School (HBS) by the 2009 graduating class! What a coincidence I though, so I read further. I then learn that the students had talked about this idea with a professor of theirs named David Garvin. David then referred the students to professors Rakesh Khurana and Nitin Nohria. It turned out that Rakesh Khurana and Nitin Nohria had already been working on an oath for MBAs with the World Economic Forum and ... guess who? That's right! The Aspen Institute! Wow another coincidence! Just then, my eye catches my gmail tab in Mozilla indicating that I just received a new email. I click over and read it and who is it from? None other then "Rich" from the Aspen Institute. Guess what Rich was sending? Nothing less than a copy of the Harvard Busines Review entitled "It's Time to Make Management a True Profession" by none other than Rakesh Khurana and Nitin Nohria. Now I'm not allowed to copy or post this document but let me tell you 2 things: It was about oaths and MBAs. That's enough coincidence for me for a while. But I am now quite curious about this MBA oath business as it is so closely related to CSR and corporate sustainability. Cheers for now.

The Green Ones have landed in Capital City

I guess it's about time, but it's pretty cool to see them here. Just as I was pulling into the old driveway this morning they arrived: "The Green Ones are here!" That's right, if you are a resident in Ottawa you have probably received (or are about to receive) a Green Bin. The city is handing out some 220,000 of them. This means that once the program begins (Jan 2010) if you live in Ottawa you will be able to recycle almost all of your garbage. Between blue, black and green bins and the Take It Back program, Ottawa does pretty well when it comes to residential waste. Although with news that Plasco will only be able to turn an estimated 18% of waste into energy and not until 2011, our garbage problems are far from over. But separation of the various types of waste is it is a natural step towards a solution. "Divide and concur" or "divide and rule", are tried and true strategies to solutions ranging from politics to economics to algorithms. So dividing up waste will be the first step to making optimal use of it.

Anywho... getting back to the bins; you can put all sorts of crazy crap in there!: Food waste (including meats and bones: which makes the whole program worthwhile in my opinion cause otherwise it would just cannibalize everyones composting efforts.) yard waste and other items (including such feces as kitty litter, fireplase ash, paper plates, wax paper, sawdust and so-on and dryer lint and so-forth) I mean, it says so right on the sticker!

So I guess if we can all try to forget about the plastic bag scandal from the days of recycling past, Ottawa seems to be on the right track. Let's see how this all unfolds. Plus check out green bins trusty side kick beige bin, which is designed to hang from the inside of your cabinet door where garbages usually go. I predict a Batman-Robin or Hercules-Newton type of relationship will blossom in each of our homes between these two unlikeliest of heroes.

Can Nike and Wal-Mart save the Amazon?

Here is an interesting topic of conversation for my friend Meg who is working in sustainability with organizations in the Brazilian Amazon:

----------------------------------------

An ambitious commitment by some of the world's largest companies not to buy beef or leather products from the Brazilian Amazon may falter if a strong monitoring system isn't put in place.
By Andrew Downie | Correspondent of The Christian Science Monitor

Sao Paulo, Brazil - A recent decision by a group of multinational companies that include Nike, Adidas, and Timberland to boycott beef and leather products from the Brazilian Amazon -- the largest cattle-ranching area in the world -- might sound like a good way to reduce deforestation.

"These companies are ... telling their suppliers they expect to see zero deforestation or they will stop buying from them," says Tatiana Carvalho, an Amazon campaigner at Greenpeace, one of the moratorium's main coordinators. "That is a big step forward."

The shoemakers and the Brazilian subsidiaries of supermarkets Wal-Mart and Carrefour agreed that as of June 22, they would not purchase beef or leather from suppliers who cut down rainforest trees to open up new cattle pasture.

But without a strict monitoring and labeling system, the moratorium on beef products from the Brazilian Amazon could amount to little more than a publicity stunt, environmentalists warn. Brazil's beef producers' association has dismissed the moratorium as "meaningless."

A tracking system that clarifies where beef or leather has been produced is not yet in place, making it difficult for producers to know whether a steak or a piece of shoe leather came from deep in the Amazon or from grazing lands in the south of the country. When the European Union looked at farms' traceability procedures last year, it approved beef exports from only 1,376 of the country's estimated 5,000,000 cattle farms.

Leather is more problematic, since it is sold on the open commodities market and is even harder to trace.

Reassuring consumers

"[The moratorium] shows the industry is concerned and wants to assure the consumer that it is doing its part. But the criteria are difficult to implement, and, in the end, may be shown to have been ineffective," says Peter May, an assistant director at Friends of the Earth Brazil. "But for the time being, it may reassure consumers."

Some of the companies that have signed on acknowledge that they don't yet have enough information to guarantee they're not using products from the Amazon. Shoemakers Nike and Clarks both said they would give suppliers until 2010 to put full traceability procedures in place.

Many of the companies were prompted by a June report from Greenpeace that named and shamed supermarkets, shoe manufacturers, automakers, and other blue-chip companies whose "blind consumption of raw materials fuels deforestation and climate change."

They were also encouraged by a similar, albeit more limited, moratorium on soybeans that stopped traders from buying beans from recently deforested areas in the Amazon. The moratorium was judged a success and was extended for a fourth consecutive year in July.

Rainforest stampede

But beef is where real environmental gains can be made, since very little soy is grown in the Amazon. For years, cattle farmers have been selling their most productive pastures in the south to soybean and sugar-cane producers and using the cash to buy cheaper land in the Amazon, which is deforested and populated with cattle.

That practice, spurred by surging global demand for beef as incomes in countries such as India and China have risen, has led to a stampede into the rainforest.

Three of every 4 new additions to Brazil's cattle herd between 2003 and 2008 came in the Amazon, according to a 2008 Friends of the Earth report. The beef industry is one of the main drivers of deforestation and one of the world's main sources of greenhouse gases. Brazil boasts around 200 million cattle and is the world's biggest beef exporter.

Under Brazilian law, Amazonian farmers may clear just 20 percent of their land and must keep the rest as natural forest. But the law is rarely enforced. Today, around 17 percent of the Brazilian Amazon's original tree cover is gone.

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The original post can be found here

What do you think the intentions of these companies are? Take the survey at the top left of this page!

Symbol Quest: Online Game from Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol (Spoiler Alert)

This is what you get for reaching the 33rd degree of Symbol Quest . I'll post some help later for those "it's about the journey" people, but if you are strictly after the prize, this is your shortest path.

Here is word for word what Dan says. You never know what clues may be hidden in them:

"This is Dan Brown,
Congratulations on playing Symbol Quest and reaching the 33rd degree with a perfect score. I’ve just finished signing 33 first editions of the lost symbol which are locked in the vault, waiting to be sent out to the 33 different winners. The 33 first winning code breakers who call the secret phone numbers, encrypted on the book jacket, will receive this reward.
Good luck"

Tribute to San Jose!

Today I pay tribute to Ottawa's brother from another mother: San Jose.
Ottawa and San Jose have a lot in common. We are both high-tech towns, we both have NHL teams that were born within a year of each other and there is a general consensus in both populations that opposes municipal funding of jukebox terrorism (i.e.: Queing up the same ridiculous song over and over on a jukebox.)
Recently the San Jose Sharks acquired Ottawa Senators star trigger man Dany Heatley. Dany had asked to leave at the end of 2008-2009 season stating that his game didn't fit with the new coach's system, but there has been speculation that there are other reasons which I will not get into because I propagate facts only! as you may have noticed with my Jukebox declaration. Dany; you will be missed but you really need to start prospecting for a new exit strategist.

One other honorable mention regarding Ottawa's Twin-Town is that this site has been getting lots of hits and tomfoolery from San Jose. This is good! I encourage city level incest. Actually I would encourage all readers from Jose-town to leave a comment after this post as a sign of brotherly-sisterly love. Also I would like to welcome Jonathan Cheechoo and Michalek, so long as they score lots of goals and are key player in the Sens lifelong ambition of publicly destroying and humiliating the Sharks at every possible opportunity. Peace and Love.

Facebook Update!

Harley's case is now on the CBC as well.

Be mystified by his legal prowess!

Facebook attacked by fellow Fresh Founder

That's right! Ottawa entrepreneurial powerhouse Fresh Founders (previously Young Entrepreneur's Club) member has made a big splash on the international social networking site scene. Fellow Fresh Founder member Harley Finkelstein has found some legal issues between Canadian privacy law, and Facebook policies. Privacy commissioner of Canada Jennifer Stoddart agrees and is ready to take action. Michael Geist commented on it too it gives that extra "this isn't just the government doing their this-technology-scares-us thing" boost.

Watch the video here: Harley on Global

You can also behold of this stunning visual:


Harley does lots of work to help answer the questions that young entrepreneurs have today when thinking about a digital media business.

Read more: AskHarley

Lead To Win in the press

So the Lead To Win program is getting more and more press as time goes along. I'm lucky I got in through the first round because things are only gonna get tougher as more people know about it. I would have to say I recommend it, if you have the means (said in smug high society voice). The Ottawa Citizen did a piece called

Tough times, tough class

Led by a 'cranky professor,' the Lead to Win program gives would-be tech entrepreneurs the tools they need. Bert Hill reports.

You can read all about it yourself, cause I'm not about to baby-step you through it like Richard Dreyfuss would for Bill Murray. "He's sailing, he's sailing!"... That wasn't sailing. He was doing nothing and nobody even called him on it. Anyway here's the article:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/business/Tough+times+tough+class/1791568/story.html

BTW for anyone from Stela reading this, who also went to one of my Content Management Interoperability Services "Show and Tells", one of the guys constantly quoted in the article is doing something that may involve this CMIS stuff.

Lead To Win

Well, it's been an interesting journey. But it's only about to begin. I participated in the Lead To Win program. Here is their pitch:

If you are serious about starting a profitable tech-based business in Canada's Capital Region during the current economic situation, we invite you to apply to Lead to Win (LTW). Ontario’s Talent First Network is pleased to announce the launch of the Lead To Win program for laid-off or under-employed tech workers. The program is based upon a program of the same name that was delivered during the last economic downturn in 2002. Over half of the participants in the 2002 Lead to Win program created a new business in Canada’s Capital Region. These new businesses collectively created over 300 jobs and attracted over $90M in investment.

The program is no cakewalk! As a matter of fact, despite all the FREE great food and cake that they fed us during the program, not once were any of us invited to walk or even take a quick stroll across cake of any shape or form (no African dancing either... do your research).

After at least 3 Phases of filtering and improvements, I am proud to announce that my idea has come out on top. Of God-knows how many application 50 some opportunities made it into phase 1, 40 some make it to phase 2 and 30 some made it to phase 3. Of phase 3 participants 19 are rated Green (ready to go) and of them 7 opportunities have been rated Green by all it's assessors. My opportunity is one of those 7, which is cool I guess. I mean if your into that whole "being the cream of the crop" scene.

Anyway thought I'd just put that out there. That's one of the things I've been up to now that I'm back in the hemisphere. I did some other stuff but I can't remember it right now.

To learn more about the program, or to apply for it, visit their website: www.leadtowin.ca
Tell them I sent you. Unless your idea sucks, in which case I never heard of you and you never heard of me. No, like seriously who are you?

But in all honesty, this program is not made to filter people. The idea is to make better entrepreneurs out of us all and to make jobs. You will improve yourself or your idea drastically during the process guaranteed! I highly recommend the program and especially those who voluntarily put it together in true entrepreneurial style. I owe a lot to them and will be even further indebted as Phase III progresses. Actually I will take this moment to thank them and thank them in advance.

Here are some shots of the graduation: I am receiving my diplomat here from David Hudson:


Here I am celebrating with Tony Bailetti:


For those of you who know me best and know how I like to celebrate graduations: Yes, I did pull a Timon (from the Lion King) style celebration just before getting the diploma.

I'll probably write more about this soon but feel free to ask questions... My press secretary will be happy to address them.

More TV nostalgia

Ok I couldn't resist: two blog posts back to back. See, I was afraid I was gonna forget about this one.

That's right... Dr. Snuggles. Oh, how his amazing adventures brightened our days and haunted even our wildest nightmares with all those talking trees and other unnatural paraphernalia. So I saw the little snipet (which I'm sure you all just enjoyed) and was pondering some of the things that you were probably all thinking too, like "What in the world was that animal wearing overalls?", "How does he expect that shuttle to survive re-entry?" and "No seriously! What is that f&*%ing thing? Its freaking the hell outta me!". But then something caught my attention. "Why doesn't this old geiser ever take that bag of a wife with him?". Then I understood. It was a hidden message. Dr.Snuggle flies up to the rainbow. The RAINBOW! Weird when you think about it. Plus he takes that little god-knows-what in the overalls with him. Kinda freaky really. Anyway, enjoy your distorted memories!

This piece of TV nostalgia has been brought to you but Island Mike.

Yesterday's Special

Yesterday was not particularly special.
But I did clean out the bathtub using some pretty harsh chemicals. (You have to in this day and age with to fight the evil ever strengthening forces of THE ENVIRONMENT (and/or ALISTS)!!!
Anyway, after the battle, I noticed that there were a bunch of ants just hanging around this small part of the tub!? So I was all like: "Excus-ah me-ah mista ants! Whaaaats-ah matta yo moouuuth?", but they completely ignored my cleverly disguised Nicaraguan accent (thinly veiled by a poor man's Italian accent). Those ants did not move! It was weird. So I told them so. Didn't change a thing. So I gave one of them a "middle finger salute" catapult style. That... seemed to work. They all scattered and I concluded that the chlorine must have dazed them. So I guess the moral of the story is that those ants reminded me of the mannequin Jeff from that old TV show "Today's Special"! It also reminded me that I have a poor understanding of morals of stories. Man that Jeff was one hell of an idiot. I was 3 years old and I knew that most of his life's worries could be put to an end if he'd just put a strap on that damn hat.
In celebration of this epic tale, let us all enjoy a nutritious trip down memory lane with a side of badly constructed and confusing metaphors.

Goodbye Stela (will we ever meet again?)

It may be a couple of months late, but here is the official "goodbye for now" to my co-workers at Instituto Stela. I tried to include pictures of as many people as I could but I obviously couldn't get everyone in. The "Goodbye Stranger" music is provided by Supertramp and is appropriate. This is non-negotiable.


PS this video is awesome so I don't want to hear any complaints, unless they're hilarious!

Tuesday Funny Stuff

Here are some funny things I learned about today:

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

Also check out this link to K&K Mime.

And just when you thought it was a joke:


When I was a kid... or to sound even more old-man-like: Back in the good old days - when you could go to the corner store without worrying about getting hit by a bunch of global warmnings (warming & warnings) and a candy bar only cost a handful of nickels - things were hard enough: I always had trouble not laughing my head off in church when someone would sing the wrong line in a hymn or when they would ring one of those tiny bells right before communion. I feel sorry for all those kids of this generation. How are they supposed to act all solemn and churchy with a ridiculous clowns all over the place. Not that I think clowns are at all funny. I never laughed at a clown in my life. But I think that if you put a clown/mime in a church or any place of worship and have them dancing up and down it up all crazy-like, I would have no choice but to give into the hilarity and loose both my mind and control of my bladder. Good luck children of the new millennium, may your giant mime overlord take pity on your tiny souls.

Mesh Conference 2009 - Part 3

Halfway through Day 2 of Mesh09 and I just got served the same dish I fed you all a few days ago. Looks like Karma doesn't have the same food temperature policy as revenge. This time I warn you: watching this video is a mild form of Rick Rolling.

Mesh Conference 2009 - Part 2

Day 1 of the Mesh Conference 2009 is now over... Food was great, but I didn't take any pictures of the food cause my "Mike Cooks Meat" contract clearly states that although I don't actually cook the meat to be allowed to blog about it, I still need to be able to cook it. This food however was beyond my abilities at this point. But can you blame me!? I'M JUST A HUMAN BOY!!! I would recommend the caterer... I WOULD recommend the caterer, but I don't know who it was, so instead I will recommend some of my favorite music from my early high-school days. Particularly music by the band Moist. Whose lead singer was David Usher who happens to be a speaker here at Mesh Conference yet again.

I got a couple of shots of David seen here talking about something impressive I'm sure... but unfortunately I completely missed the beginning of this session, the the middle (taking these magnificent pictures) and the end (I was setting up my laptop to download them). Why am I at the conference again? Doesn't matter. I'm too busy reliving old memories while listening to the Moist song "Leave it alone" in the video above... which I think may just be a mashup of some Jake Gyllenhaal movie. Could this be the real video? I don't remember if this song even had a video. I wish I had a vast quantity of trivial information at my fingertips that I could tap into to gain such fulfilling knowledge. Here is David on stage with Mesh Founder Mark Evans.

So I do admit that I was late for class and although I don't have a note, I do have an excuse. I was busy time-vampiring keynote speaker and co-founder of Kiva (which I blogged about a couple time... s... and once again for blog action day) Jessica Jackley who - I recently learned - shared a mutual friend with me: the high priest of personal inspiration and life purpose Jullien Gordon, whose blog-link regularly hangs out in trendy spots (see the bottom of this page). Jessica can be seen in the picture below answering questions from an inquisitive audience member.

The inquisitive audience member (who experts in the audience-member industry commonly refer to as Allan Isfan founder of FaveQuest) can be seen even further below.

That's all for today.

Mesh Conference 2009 - Part 1

The Mesh Conference is about to start. I hope I don't get any food poisoning this year. Note to self... avoid mysterious Thai Food restaurants in questionable neighborhoods :(

Family Ties meets Sauve Scholarship

In life there are very few degrees of separation between people (or Kevin Bacon). The key is being aware of the relationships between people in some qualitative or quantitative way. Humans can only keep track of so many of this connections and relationships before they losing their meaning. In the book "The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference" (which can bee seen at the top of this page ... I have recommended it), Malcolm Gladwell explains how 150 people seems to be the maximum number of people who can maintain a community where everyone can keep track not only of everyone else, but also all the relationships between everyone. This was fascinating to me when I first read the book and I bring it up now only as an interesting segue to my real topic. You see one of my recent posts was a tribute to Alex Keaton, a character from a TV show I used to watch called Family Ties. Another post was one about the Jeanne Sauve Scholarship of which I am a finalist. Tonight I found out that there is a link between the two entries (besides both being on my blog). I found out that there are actually pretty close "Family Ties" between Jeanne Sauve and I. She was my grandfather's (the only one I ever knew) 2nd cousin. Making Jeanne Sauve my second cousin twice removed! Sounds far off? Perhaps it is: it basically means that her great grandparents were my great, great, great grandparents. However I just found out that she and my grandpa were very close as kids. Is that not ridiculous? Plus everyone in my family seemed to know about this but me! And I'm the one trying to apply for this scholarship! There is usually an element of disclosure involved. So here I am... disclosing. I am not supposed to contact them directly so instead I hereby make it public knowledge that I am related to Jeanne Sauve but was not aware of it at the time of my application and therefore included no indication of it in the application. Now I can sleep in good conscience.
As a conclusion, the universe (or Multiverse for all you quantum physicists out there) is a complex place full of unseen links and relationships. Be aware of them and you can experience things on different levels.

Mike Cooks Meat - Part 2 : Charlie's Chicken Factory

Todays lunch meat was something I randomly decided to call "Charlie's Chicken" on behalf of nothing in particular. It was pretty good. Below it can be seen in it's natural habitat beside some broiled rosemary potatoes, red leaf lettuce and some non meat related items.

NB: I figure that potatoes are considered a distant cousin of the meat family as they (according to my negligible understanding of Darwin's theories) must have evolved from some very tasty rodents who buried themselves underground to escape the fire breathing robot turkeys (I'll teach you how they are related to the escargot family some other time). While underground, these starchy rodents and lost the use of their many, many eyes because of high toxicity soil levels cause by the Triassic Dinosaur's 3nd industrial revolution. Without their vision they tended to get disoriented and remained below the surface of the earth. Years went by till about 5000 years ago or so God came along and declared these mostly potato-based rodents "created" to appease the creationists who he would later create as an April fools prank against the Buddhists. I hope I haven't offended too many people with my lunch/history enlightening moment, because I can't afford any more arson attempts from the Knights of the Robot Turkey Templar. They are ruthless towards anyone who reveals their secrets. Only Seth Green and his thinly veiled "Robot Chicken" really know my pain.


















Enjoy your chicken and beware the metal ones!

Welcome Home Tribute

As part of my "Welcome Home" package. I just received this "Welcome Home Mike" Video:



Please watch it.

Now after watching it you are more confused than anything then you should:
1) spend more time on the internet
2) read this explanation

Consider yourself baptized.

Mike Cooks Meat - Part 1: Randolf Salmon in Canada

Welcome back me! I'm back in Canada now; for all those who have been living under a Canadian Shield. BTW, does the shield still exist and has it begun filing for bankruptcy protection yet? I've been away quite a while, not sure what to expect.

Anyway, as I have the liberty of eating at home I have chosen to eat foods fit for only the 5 awesomest re-integrating Canadians in Ottawa. This unique set of circumstances will give way to Mike Cooks Meat. MCM is an ongoing, multi-part, online tribute to Steve Carell & The Daily Show's "Produce Pete" which used to be the center of my culinary/comedy universe.

On today's menu was my latest creation which I will call Randolf. Randolf is a Pan fried salmon steak. You can serve it with or without a side of patriotism. I personally serve my Randolf with a portion of unemployment and a dash of "where the hell is the sun? I want to go back to my southern paradise".

Here is a view of today's Randolf lunch:


And this is an artists rendition of what my Randolf may have looked like only seconds after I released my appetite at it.

No Randolf's where actually harmed in the creation of this rendition. Well, maybe one Randolf. Ok, I gobbled the F*&%ing thing... are you happy!? I stalked it like a social insurance recipient stalks the mailman. Then I pounced like hobo onto a moving freight train filled with restaurant garbage in easy tie glad bags. It was a glorious meal. In a rating system based on a scale of an undisclosed number of stars, I give it 3 1/2 thumbs up. I don't much like being boxed into closed paradigm rating systems anyway.

Recipe available upon commented request.

Tribute to Alex P. Keaton

This is an extension to my “Tribute to beautiful” which was arguably influenced by my great admiration of Television’s Alex P. Keaton; a lovable, ambitious, egocentric, profit seeking character from the hit series Family Ties. Michael J. Fox’s portrayal of Alex was the personification of young corporate America in its rawest form during the 1980s (decade of greed) and was a positive inspiration to myself and all other profit minded kids of those days of Yore.

My “Tribute to beautiful” was inspired by a radio jingle that Alex wrote for himself. The tune, whose lyrics were simply “Alex Keaton, he’s so cute”, can be seen in an episode called Blues Brother from season 6 of Family Ties. The jingle cracked me up so bad that I remember it to this day, along with every other mundane detail of my life from 1985 on.

I’d also like to thank Wheelrchair for this episode reference.

Not being able to locate that actual clip, I will leave you with this tribute video:

Tribute to Cory "gory, story, allegory, montessori" Clouston

I can't say I've been watching much hockey this year. But whatever was wrong with the Ottawa Sens has been apparently fixed by Sir Cory Clouston Kensington the 3rd of Binghamton. Czech out these facts:

	Games	Points	Points/Game
Before Cory	48	41	0.85
With Cory	24	33	1.38
Total	72	74	1.03

THAT my friends is what's known in the "biz" as a 61% improvement! Now I may not know much about hockey, sports, business, math or personal hygiene.


Go Sens Go!

Tribute to beautiful (My automontagery)

With only one week left here in Florianopolis, I decided that it was about time to produce a musical montage to go over what has happened in the past 7 months. And "Yes" it has been that long. How have you all managed to make it this far? Anyway, with a bit more delay, here is a video that takes what everyone has been thinking and compresses it perfectly so as to fit nicely into a well timed montage format. Enjoy and remember; to show your love for something or someone, always use a music montage. I know I usually don't.

"If a picture is worth a thousand words and a movie is a series of hundreds or thousands or even hundreds of thousands of pictures, then a montage of dozens of movies must be worth at least 5 thousands of words. Plus if you add in some emotional Joe Cocker tear jerking music to the background, your montage can be worth millions! I made this one and will be getting it appraised at the "antique music montage roadshow"."

Mike

THE Hammock District

This is my answer to Marc's "La Maison du Hamac" discovery; I took a little bus ride to Canasvieras and came across one of the island's Hammock districts. Although this little village is impressive, it pales in comparison to many of the Amazonian communities, where hammocks are used as the local currency.

PS: "Rede" means "Hammock".

So you're Canadian, eh?

Here is a presentation I gave at Stela in my first few weeks to bust Brazilian Stereotypes about Canada and Canadians. To break the belief that Canadians are nice and culturally tolerant people, I filled the presentation with racism, cultural bias, secular overtones, prejudice, bigotry and aimless discrimination directed specifically at non-Canadians who do not identify with.

I hope that you find the presentation oppressive and morally bankrupt. :P

Oh! The hammock district !?

Today all I have for you are some reminders of great moments in history courtesy of Marc Lemire.

First order of business is a picture Marc took from the distant land of Quebec City inspired by this Simpsons moment:

Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that?
Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut,
that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got
Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact,
they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on
third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank: That's right.

Now that I have established context here is the pic:


I also recommend that you check out my answer to this post where I explore the hammock district of Florianopolis, Brasil.

The second thing that Marc thought it would be mission critical to do today is to remind ourselves about U2’s 1993 hit “Lemon” from the Zooropa album. I came up with that idea 2 weeks ago but whatever…

BTW, My friend Meghan gave me a X-Mas hammock (as is clearly demonstrated by the xmas coloured fonts I used in Homer Simpson and Hank Scorpios' hammock related dialogue). How many xmas hammocks did Meghan give you Marc? ...
That's what I thought!

Enjoy your video everyone. But do it cause you want to, not cause some fat cat down at Capital Hill told you to. "PEACE!" (Andy Samberg style)

Mike... a Sauvé Scholars?

Hey everyone!

A few months ago I applied for a Sauvé Scholarship. http://www.sauvescholars.org/en/

"The mission of the Jeanne Sauvé Foundation, sponsor of the SAUVÉ SCHOLARS PROGRAM, is to help prepare young adults of merit so that they can develop their potential and skills to be used towards making a difference and building a better future for the societies of tomorrow... The Foundation has chosen to implement this mission by gathering in Montreal a highly-talented and motivated group of post-graduate, or equivalent, young emerging leaders, to share an experience of inquiry, debate and reflection, to help advance their careers, intellectual capacity and, most importantly, leadership potential."

Basically I would have access to unlimited access to McGill University for 8 months. During this period scholars take an idea (which was part of our proposals) and work on it. I came up with an idea at Stela (my job in Brazil) for sustainable development software.

So far out of over 1000 applicants I am in the final 50. Only about 11-14 get the scholarship. Now I need:

1. Three letters of Recommendation – each must be sent directly from the referee to the Selection Committee either by (a) e-mail as a scanned document including signature, (b) fax or (c) in a sealed envelope (with the referee’s signature across the seal)
2. Official [with the official seal of the granting institution(s)] Academic Transcripts for all college or university level studies that you have completed or will have completed before June 30, 2009. Transcripts must be sent to the Selection Committee by the institution.
NB If your transcript is not in English or French, please ensure that a translation - in either language - accompanies each transcript.
3. Examples of your Leadership (attestations by third parties, media reports, etc.)
4. Copies of your Published Works (i.e. work in the public domain)
5. Medical Certificate

If you can think of a way to help, please contact me at mike.mcnulty@gmail.com. I have already identified a shortlist of recommendations that I would like to get and am contacting the people. #3 is the one that is easiest for people to help with.

Details about 3#:

"Candidates must submit evidence of actual leadership in one or more areas such as: advocacy, arts, civic engagement, community involvement, education, entrepreneurship, government, media and communications, research. Confirmation of a Candidate's leadership should be provided through third parties, for example: media reports, commentaries, testimonials, public and/or professional recognition, etc."

Characteristics that the selection committee will be looking for include:

• Initiative
• Motivation
• Vision
• Imagination
• Demonstrated communication skills
• Awareness of international and domestic issues
• A strong desire to effect change

If you have any additional testimonials or records of me exhibiting leadership and any of these qualities please forward them to mike.mcnulty@gmail.com. If more form submitting them are required I'll let you all know ASAP.

Thanks for the support!

Two Baratas And A Toalete

Last night I get up to use the banheiro, but as I turn on the light i notice a barata on the floor. He's obviously making painstaking efforts to be all nonchalant, like he's in an exclusive club and he knows he shouldn't be there but he's trying to fit in by talking to everybody as they walk by as he awkwardly half dances to the beat of the music. If you don't know what I'm talking about picture Cris Kattan or Will Farrell in the recurring "What is Love?" SNL skit that eventually turned into the unfortunate film "A Night at the Roxbury". How either of them ever got work after that is remarkable. Anyway this barata is not fooling me and I pull out my shoe and pull a move that Eddie Murphy's mom, Dr. Evils oriental assassin or Iraqi Journalists would all approve of. Now according to my spin doctor/attorney, I didn't actually kill him: All I did was "relieved him of his ability to continue living." But then on my way back to the banheiro I see a second and even bigger barata. This time I reach for my bug spray. But since I can't afford the prestigious "Bug-be-gone" I use the knock off and understandable less marketable "Bug-do-your-best-to-refrain-from-being-here" spray, which, incidentally, is also a client of my attorney. Then I put the second little guy out of my misery and dump the corps in the toalete. But as I'm doing this I hear a car go by and someone yodeling that time tested yelp that Goofy does every time he falls off a cliff. Don't act as if you don't know what I'm talking about either: Disney would use in any gravity induced crash scenario. But then nixt thing I know I wake up in my bed. Was it all a dream? Of course not, things that stupid are always real! The 2 not-as-alive-as-usual baratas in my toalete would agree.

BTW: I couldn't find the Goofy Yodel online but I found some guy with even more extra time than me who was also in search of it a couple years back. He gathered some occurrences of its use. Thanks Snitch:

Home on the Range - In Echo Mine when Junior falls off the cliff
A Goofy Movie
An Extremely Goofy Movie
The Three Musketeers - When Goofy falls out of the windmill
Hunchback of Notre Dame - As the soldiers fall after Quasimodo pulls the rope they were climbing.
The Rescuers When Orville falls backwards from the top of the New York building at the end of the film AND when Madame Medusa runs over Orville with her swamp-mobile trapping him inside.
Cinderella - When both the King and the Grand Duke fall from the chandelier.
Bedknobs & Broomsticks - heard during the soccer game when the king kicks the hyena.
Pete's Dragon - when Doctor Terminus is tied to the harpoon shot from a cannon.

Special note: To those who understood what I was alluding to with my title here is an extra layer of intrigue. In Portuguese the word "girl"can be translated to "garota" which sounds quite a bit like "barata". Don't puke your guts out!

Update: News Flash: Breaking Story: video correctly identifying the sound that I am referring to as "Goofy's Hollar" as per the Disney nomenclature. This video also identifies other times throughout history when use of the Goofy Hollar would have been appropriate.

Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts!

Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech

So far, in my tireless efforts bringing you, my readers, unparalleled yet sometimes surpassed insight into my day-to-day, once-in-a-lifetime, amazing adventures, I have not had to define the boarders of the topics into which I delve. That said; it is time that I take a public stance and announce that as of now, I will be enforcing a policy that will insure that this blog will be completely non-partisan, non-political and non-partisan. Now I feel - and my sponsors will agree - that we are in a critical point in American and World politics which is worth documenting. So what better way to test my blog's new public stance than to ignore all political new and focus almost entirely on inaugural addresses? Yesterday the United States (the one below Canada) has made history and inaugurated a new president and according to reliable sources he is not white. I have to take their word for it because this site is like Stephen Colbert in that it does not see race, and that one of its ears is kind of crooked and it is a bit self conscious of it. Someone told me he was black, I don't know, I don't want to know. But if someone were to cough once if he were black and twice if he wasn't, I wouldn't mind. All politics aside, I think that this is a big win for the Democrats and will really help shake up and restructure the party. It will hopefully get the republicans rethinking their old ways as well. Here is the video you probably are came here to see:

Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 1)


Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 2)


Bono behind the Lincoln Memorial, then quick shot of him singing "Pride (In The Name of Love)" which is about Martin Luther King Jr:


Side thought: Why can't Canada get an Obama too? Maybe one slightly taller... and do you have anything in Native? See, now that could be cool! He could have all these buffalo that follow him around to all his speeches and stampede his opposition. And what if instead of traveling by the traditional bald eagle, he could travel in a private jet that is painted like an eagle, except that instead of yellow feet they could paint in some flames! And whenever he would make an appearance the drummer from Def Leppard would play a giant war drum. Roman candles would obviously also be used. Wake up Canada! If you guys can find the candidate, I'll take care of the rest! Together we can make Def Leppard matter in the world again. God bless you all and god bless roman candle which are cool.

Ratified Amendment: A special thanks to Jerzgirl for this honorable mention of this post. Def Leppard or Die!

Amazoning (Picture credits: Lisa Cyr & Meg Doiron)

K, I've been putting it off for a while cause its a big job, but its finally time to start putting up some of my Xmas vacation pics. Pretty much all of them are about me AmazoningTM in one of the top places in the world that you can do it: The Amazon River and maybe the rainforest. I'm not sure if I was in THE AMAZON RAINFOREST but I know I wasn't in the Amazonas State while vacationing. Although I was only about 150kms away AND I did spend some time in an official Amazonas airport in Manaus. But I really don't know what the definition of an rainforest is at this moment (for those who want to know open this up in a separate window or tab never taking your eyes off my captivating scripture). According to this picture I may or may not have entered a real rainforest.

Despite my ambiguously defined triumph, I am confident that have conquered some sort of milestones in the process of this trip. Lets see how glorious my half baked adventure was. Now I often find that the most accurate way to document glorious adventures is by narrating them in a non-fictional manner. e.g.: by NOT drawing special attention to any one particularly handsome heroic yet metropolitinized figure, or by NOT inventing significant portions of the events that took place. However if a particularly handsome, witty and heroic figure was to play a pivotal role in the story I would consider it my duty to report on it during the tale. In a similar light, if for any reason I felt that it would be necessary to invent a significant portions of the events that took place, I don't see how I could not do so.

That said here is how the most-amazing-real-live-story-ever begins:

It was a very tense morning in Santarem. The smell of blood was still lingering in the air after the a long night psychological warefare and a hand to hand combat. I had risen to the occasion by defeating our enemies and had protected the clan all night from guerrilla forces and the constant threat of mutiny.
To restore peace and order I quickly learned to communicate with the local fauna who I placed in military control of the land while I continued on my journey.
Before long I had parted the Amazon and led my people to the promised land. However since I had already done all that parting work (which for me wasn't all that hard) I decided to build a small paradise in between both sides as an act of sheer Tomfoolery.

Bewildered by my own accomplishment and awesomeness I reflected for a brief moment captured in this timeless photo which will be remembered by all for eternity.

Later after having taken first prize in a light reflecting contest I pondered my nobel prize winning theory on the correlation between bicep power and epidermal pallor.

Here are 2 from one of my many international legions of fans. They recognized me and pleaded to be photographed with me. I agreed to this only because I knew that they were orphans and this would likely be the highlight of their confined lives. Incidentally, this photo was used as the cover for one of my Time Magazine "Man of the Century" awards.
I then proceeded to lead my people up to the top of the glorious heights atop the highest mountain of the Amazon, where it is appropriately customary to mock the camera by hissing at it, enticing it to engage in a photoshoot-off (which I won).

With my people in their Promised Land and away from any danger, including rays which can be found under only millimeters of sand or deadly sand ticks which can embed themselves in your friends toe or latch onto you for an extended period of time before being detected at the end of your journey... I begun a new quest and brought along 3 of my most trusted Generals:

The first army I encountered was a vicious and aggressive one, lead by some sort of half-man-half machine cyborg. Although their technology was advanced, it proved no match for my cunning. I unhesitatingly crashed the leaders robot by confronting it with a series of childlike paradoxes which it was not programed to deal with. But the victory was short lived as I had more nemesi to defeat.I then proceeded to either
1) Hunt down and destroy a small but powerful wizard who had ruled the land since the begining of recorded history.
OR
2) Discovered a the remains of a lost civilization which holds secrets that will one day save mankind.
As I proceeded journeying through the treacherous forest at record setting pace, I decided to build a small factory in the to give the locals a sustainable way of generating income. Upon return to the community I informed them of my recent achievements and that they were now the proud subjects of a new economy and would never again have to answer to an iron fisted dictator. (I guess decided to go down the "destruction of the powerful wizard" route)I then decided that, with this thriving new economic engine I created for them, the community would need a new source of food to accommodate their upscale lifestyle. So I devised a complicated patented maneuver that would allow one to catch a fish even under the driest of desert conditions.
It was at that point that I remembered a time tested proverb: "if you give a man a fish you can feed him for a day, if you trade a fish to a man in exchange for his boat, you can increase your stronghold on the fish market". I immediately executed the trade upon my return so that I may rule the new economy that I generously gave them, using one of my many iron fists.
This here is a picture of Kelly, a well known local damzel in distress who I easily freed from the likes of...
This man: An uptight international timbre mogul, know only as Sir Thomas Kensington the 3rd of Cheshire, son of King Bedevere. Thomas had been enjoying a reign of uninhibited terror on these people since the dawn of time through his Wall Street muscle and Capitol Hill political influence. However I found him unchallenging as a foe. After toying with his ego, I quickly defeated him and absorbed his vast empire.
This picture commemorates the great raising of my flag. As is customary when conquering a people, I always have their greatest warriors hold up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet during the entire length of my invasion. I feel that this tradition - although inhumane and a complete invention of my own - is tradition nonetheless and must be continued without compromise. As the warrior was not regulation height I commissioned the community to build him stilts with the remainder of their firewood. Naturally they were happy to oblige to their new Overlord. However before leaving I decided that tradition is not very important anyway, so I had the warrior remain on the stilts holding up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet FOREVER, just in case I should return (You can never be too careful in this type of situation). Also it wards off future conquerors who would surely recognize my trademark and cower away in fear and loneliness.
As a final act of defiance and dominance; I decided to climb the 10 tallest trees in the world. This picture was taken only seconds after I accomplished this seemingly impossible, yet for me; trivial task.
This concludes this chapter of my plausible tale which happened.

For more undeniable proof that this adventure took place visit this site and behold it in all its glory:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/borderlys