Last night I get up to use the banheiro, but as I turn on the light i notice a barata on the floor. He's obviously making painstaking efforts to be all nonchalant, like he's in an exclusive club and he knows he shouldn't be there but he's trying to fit in by talking to everybody as they walk by as he awkwardly half dances to the beat of the music. If you don't know what I'm talking about picture Cris Kattan or Will Farrell in the recurring "What is Love?" SNL skit that eventually turned into the unfortunate film "A Night at the Roxbury". How either of them ever got work after that is remarkable. Anyway this barata is not fooling me and I pull out my shoe and pull a move that Eddie Murphy's mom, Dr. Evils oriental assassin or Iraqi Journalists would all approve of. Now according to my spin doctor/attorney, I didn't actually kill him: All I did was "relieved him of his ability to continue living." But then on my way back to the banheiro I see a second and even bigger barata. This time I reach for my bug spray. But since I can't afford the prestigious "Bug-be-gone" I use the knock off and understandable less marketable "Bug-do-your-best-to-refrain-from-being-here" spray, which, incidentally, is also a client of my attorney. Then I put the second little guy out of my misery and dump the corps in the toalete. But as I'm doing this I hear a car go by and someone yodeling that time tested yelp that Goofy does every time he falls off a cliff. Don't act as if you don't know what I'm talking about either: Disney would use in any gravity induced crash scenario. But then nixt thing I know I wake up in my bed. Was it all a dream? Of course not, things that stupid are always real! The 2 not-as-alive-as-usual baratas in my toalete would agree.
BTW: I couldn't find the Goofy Yodel online but I found some guy with even more extra time than me who was also in search of it a couple years back. He gathered some occurrences of its use. Thanks Snitch:
Home on the Range - In Echo Mine when Junior falls off the cliff
A Goofy Movie
An Extremely Goofy Movie
The Three Musketeers - When Goofy falls out of the windmill
Hunchback of Notre Dame - As the soldiers fall after Quasimodo pulls the rope they were climbing.
The Rescuers When Orville falls backwards from the top of the New York building at the end of the film AND when Madame Medusa runs over Orville with her swamp-mobile trapping him inside.
Cinderella - When both the King and the Grand Duke fall from the chandelier.
Bedknobs & Broomsticks - heard during the soccer game when the king kicks the hyena.
Pete's Dragon - when Doctor Terminus is tied to the harpoon shot from a cannon.
Special note: To those who understood what I was alluding to with my title here is an extra layer of intrigue. In Portuguese the word "girl"can be translated to "garota" which sounds quite a bit like "barata". Don't puke your guts out!
Update: News Flash: Breaking Story: video correctly identifying the sound that I am referring to as "Goofy's Hollar" as per the Disney nomenclature. This video also identifies other times throughout history when use of the Goofy Hollar would have been appropriate.
Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech
So far, in my tireless efforts bringing you, my readers, unparalleled yet sometimes surpassed insight into my day-to-day, once-in-a-lifetime, amazing adventures, I have not had to define the boarders of the topics into which I delve. That said; it is time that I take a public stance and announce that as of now, I will be enforcing a policy that will insure that this blog will be completely non-partisan, non-political and non-partisan. Now I feel - and my sponsors will agree - that we are in a critical point in American and World politics which is worth documenting. So what better way to test my blog's new public stance than to ignore all political new and focus almost entirely on inaugural addresses? Yesterday the United States (the one below Canada) has made history and inaugurated a new president and according to reliable sources he is not white. I have to take their word for it because this site is like Stephen Colbert in that it does not see race, and that one of its ears is kind of crooked and it is a bit self conscious of it. Someone told me he was black, I don't know, I don't want to know. But if someone were to cough once if he were black and twice if he wasn't, I wouldn't mind. All politics aside, I think that this is a big win for the Democrats and will really help shake up and restructure the party. It will hopefully get the republicans rethinking their old ways as well. Here is the video you probably are came here to see:
Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 1)
Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 2)
Bono behind the Lincoln Memorial, then quick shot of him singing "Pride (In The Name of Love)" which is about Martin Luther King Jr:
Side thought: Why can't Canada get an Obama too? Maybe one slightly taller... and do you have anything in Native? See, now that could be cool! He could have all these buffalo that follow him around to all his speeches and stampede his opposition. And what if instead of traveling by the traditional bald eagle, he could travel in a private jet that is painted like an eagle, except that instead of yellow feet they could paint in some flames! And whenever he would make an appearance the drummer from Def Leppard would play a giant war drum. Roman candles would obviously also be used. Wake up Canada! If you guys can find the candidate, I'll take care of the rest! Together we can make Def Leppard matter in the world again. God bless you all and god bless roman candle which are cool.
Ratified Amendment: A special thanks to Jerzgirl for this honorable mention of this post. Def Leppard or Die!
Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 1)
Barack Obama Inaugural Address Speech (part 2)
Bono behind the Lincoln Memorial, then quick shot of him singing "Pride (In The Name of Love)" which is about Martin Luther King Jr:
Side thought: Why can't Canada get an Obama too? Maybe one slightly taller... and do you have anything in Native? See, now that could be cool! He could have all these buffalo that follow him around to all his speeches and stampede his opposition. And what if instead of traveling by the traditional bald eagle, he could travel in a private jet that is painted like an eagle, except that instead of yellow feet they could paint in some flames! And whenever he would make an appearance the drummer from Def Leppard would play a giant war drum. Roman candles would obviously also be used. Wake up Canada! If you guys can find the candidate, I'll take care of the rest! Together we can make Def Leppard matter in the world again. God bless you all and god bless roman candle which are cool.
Ratified Amendment: A special thanks to Jerzgirl for this honorable mention of this post. Def Leppard or Die!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Amazoning (Picture credits: Lisa Cyr & Meg Doiron)
K, I've been putting it off for a while cause its a big job, but its finally time to start putting up some of my Xmas vacation pics. Pretty much all of them are about me AmazoningTM in one of the top places in the world that you can do it: The Amazon River and maybe the rainforest. I'm not sure if I was in THE AMAZON RAINFOREST but I know I wasn't in the Amazonas State while vacationing. Although I was only about 150kms away AND I did spend some time in an official Amazonas airport in Manaus. But I really don't know what the definition of an rainforest is at this moment (for those who want to know open this up in a separate window or tab never taking your eyes off my captivating scripture). According to this picture I may or may not have entered a real rainforest.
Despite my ambiguously defined triumph, I am confident that have conquered some sort of milestones in the process of this trip. Lets see how glorious my half baked adventure was. Now I often find that the most accurate way to document glorious adventures is by narrating them in a non-fictional manner. e.g.: by NOT drawing special attention to any one particularly handsome heroic yet metropolitinized figure, or by NOT inventing significant portions of the events that took place. However if a particularly handsome, witty and heroic figure was to play a pivotal role in the story I would consider it my duty to report on it during the tale. In a similar light, if for any reason I felt that it would be necessary to invent a significant portions of the events that took place, I don't see how I could not do so.
That said here is how the most-amazing-real-live-story-ever begins:
It was a very tense morning in Santarem. The smell of blood was still lingering in the air after the a long night psychological warefare and a hand to hand combat. I had risen to the occasion by defeating our enemies and had protected the clan all night from guerrilla forces and the constant threat of mutiny.
To restore peace and order I quickly learned to communicate with the local fauna who I placed in military control of the land while I continued on my journey.
Before long I had parted the Amazon and led my people to the promised land. However since I had already done all that parting work (which for me wasn't all that hard) I decided to build a small paradise in between both sides as an act of sheer Tomfoolery.
Bewildered by my own accomplishment and awesomeness I reflected for a brief moment captured in this timeless photo which will be remembered by all for eternity.
Later after having taken first prize in a light reflecting contest I pondered my nobel prize winning theory on the correlation between bicep power and epidermal pallor.
Here are 2 from one of my many international legions of fans. They recognized me and pleaded to be photographed with me. I agreed to this only because I knew that they were orphans and this would likely be the highlight of their confined lives. Incidentally, this photo was used as the cover for one of my Time Magazine "Man of the Century" awards.
I then proceeded to lead my people up to the top of the glorious heights atop the highest mountain of the Amazon, where it is appropriately customary to mock the camera by hissing at it, enticing it to engage in a photoshoot-off (which I won).
With my people in their Promised Land and away from any danger, including rays which can be found under only millimeters of sand or deadly sand ticks which can embed themselves in your friends toe or latch onto you for an extended period of time before being detected at the end of your journey... I begun a new quest and brought along 3 of my most trusted Generals:
The first army I encountered was a vicious and aggressive one, lead by some sort of half-man-half machine cyborg. Although their technology was advanced, it proved no match for my cunning. I unhesitatingly crashed the leaders robot by confronting it with a series of childlike paradoxes which it was not programed to deal with. But the victory was short lived as I had more nemesi to defeat.
I then proceeded to either
1) Hunt down and destroy a small but powerful wizard who had ruled the land since the begining of recorded history.
OR
2) Discovered a the remains of a lost civilization which holds secrets that will one day save mankind.
As I proceeded journeying through the treacherous forest at record setting pace, I decided to build a small factory in the to give the locals a sustainable way of generating income. Upon return to the community I informed them of my recent achievements and that they were now the proud subjects of a new economy and would never again have to answer to an iron fisted dictator. (I guess decided to go down the "destruction of the powerful wizard" route)
I then decided that, with this thriving new economic engine I created for them, the community would need a new source of food to accommodate their upscale lifestyle. So I devised a complicated patented maneuver that would allow one to catch a fish even under the driest of desert conditions.
It was at that point that I remembered a time tested proverb: "if you give a man a fish you can feed him for a day, if you trade a fish to a man in exchange for his boat, you can increase your stronghold on the fish market". I immediately executed the trade upon my return so that I may rule the new economy that I generously gave them, using one of my many iron fists.
This here is a picture of Kelly, a well known local damzel in distress who I easily freed from the likes of...
This man: An uptight international timbre mogul, know only as Sir Thomas Kensington the 3rd of Cheshire, son of King Bedevere. Thomas had been enjoying a reign of uninhibited terror on these people since the dawn of time through his Wall Street muscle and Capitol Hill political influence. However I found him unchallenging as a foe. After toying with his ego, I quickly defeated him and absorbed his vast empire. 
This picture commemorates the great raising of my flag. As is customary when conquering a people, I always have their greatest warriors hold up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet during the entire length of my invasion. I feel that this tradition - although inhumane and a complete invention of my own - is tradition nonetheless and must be continued without compromise. As the warrior was not regulation height I commissioned the community to build him stilts with the remainder of their firewood. Naturally they were happy to oblige to their new Overlord. However before leaving I decided that tradition is not very important anyway, so I had the warrior remain on the stilts holding up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet FOREVER, just in case I should return (You can never be too careful in this type of situation). Also it wards off future conquerors who would surely recognize my trademark and cower away in fear and loneliness.
As a final act of defiance and dominance; I decided to climb the 10 tallest trees in the world. This picture was taken only seconds after I accomplished this seemingly impossible, yet for me; trivial task.
This concludes this chapter of my plausible tale which happened.
For more undeniable proof that this adventure took place visit this site and behold it in all its glory:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/borderlys
Despite my ambiguously defined triumph, I am confident that have conquered some sort of milestones in the process of this trip. Lets see how glorious my half baked adventure was. Now I often find that the most accurate way to document glorious adventures is by narrating them in a non-fictional manner. e.g.: by NOT drawing special attention to any one particularly handsome heroic yet metropolitinized figure, or by NOT inventing significant portions of the events that took place. However if a particularly handsome, witty and heroic figure was to play a pivotal role in the story I would consider it my duty to report on it during the tale. In a similar light, if for any reason I felt that it would be necessary to invent a significant portions of the events that took place, I don't see how I could not do so.
That said here is how the most-amazing-real-live-story-ever begins:
It was a very tense morning in Santarem. The smell of blood was still lingering in the air after the a long night psychological warefare and a hand to hand combat. I had risen to the occasion by defeating our enemies and had protected the clan all night from guerrilla forces and the constant threat of mutiny.
To restore peace and order I quickly learned to communicate with the local fauna who I placed in military control of the land while I continued on my journey.Before long I had parted the Amazon and led my people to the promised land. However since I had already done all that parting work (which for me wasn't all that hard) I decided to build a small paradise in between both sides as an act of sheer Tomfoolery.Bewildered by my own accomplishment and awesomeness I reflected for a brief moment captured in this timeless photo which will be remembered by all for eternity.
Later after having taken first prize in a light reflecting contest I pondered my nobel prize winning theory on the correlation between bicep power and epidermal pallor.
Here are 2 from one of my many international legions of fans. They recognized me and pleaded to be photographed with me. I agreed to this only because I knew that they were orphans and this would likely be the highlight of their confined lives. Incidentally, this photo was used as the cover for one of my Time Magazine "Man of the Century" awards.
I then proceeded to lead my people up to the top of the glorious heights atop the highest mountain of the Amazon, where it is appropriately customary to mock the camera by hissing at it, enticing it to engage in a photoshoot-off (which I won).With my people in their Promised Land and away from any danger, including rays which can be found under only millimeters of sand or deadly sand ticks which can embed themselves in your friends toe or latch onto you for an extended period of time before being detected at the end of your journey... I begun a new quest and brought along 3 of my most trusted Generals:
The first army I encountered was a vicious and aggressive one, lead by some sort of half-man-half machine cyborg. Although their technology was advanced, it proved no match for my cunning. I unhesitatingly crashed the leaders robot by confronting it with a series of childlike paradoxes which it was not programed to deal with. But the victory was short lived as I had more nemesi to defeat.
I then proceeded to either1) Hunt down and destroy a small but powerful wizard who had ruled the land since the begining of recorded history.
OR
2) Discovered a the remains of a lost civilization which holds secrets that will one day save mankind.
As I proceeded journeying through the treacherous forest at record setting pace, I decided to build a small factory in the to give the locals a sustainable way of generating income. Upon return to the community I informed them of my recent achievements and that they were now the proud subjects of a new economy and would never again have to answer to an iron fisted dictator. (I guess decided to go down the "destruction of the powerful wizard" route)I then decided that, with this thriving new economic engine I created for them, the community would need a new source of food to accommodate their upscale lifestyle. So I devised a complicated patented maneuver that would allow one to catch a fish even under the driest of desert conditions.It was at that point that I remembered a time tested proverb: "if you give a man a fish you can feed him for a day, if you trade a fish to a man in exchange for his boat, you can increase your stronghold on the fish market". I immediately executed the trade upon my return so that I may rule the new economy that I generously gave them, using one of my many iron fists.This here is a picture of Kelly, a well known local damzel in distress who I easily freed from the likes of...This man: An uptight international timbre mogul, know only as Sir Thomas Kensington the 3rd of Cheshire, son of King Bedevere. Thomas had been enjoying a reign of uninhibited terror on these people since the dawn of time through his Wall Street muscle and Capitol Hill political influence. However I found him unchallenging as a foe. After toying with his ego, I quickly defeated him and absorbed his vast empire. This picture commemorates the great raising of my flag. As is customary when conquering a people, I always have their greatest warriors hold up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet during the entire length of my invasion. I feel that this tradition - although inhumane and a complete invention of my own - is tradition nonetheless and must be continued without compromise. As the warrior was not regulation height I commissioned the community to build him stilts with the remainder of their firewood. Naturally they were happy to oblige to their new Overlord. However before leaving I decided that tradition is not very important anyway, so I had the warrior remain on the stilts holding up my flag at a height of no less than 10 feet FOREVER, just in case I should return (You can never be too careful in this type of situation). Also it wards off future conquerors who would surely recognize my trademark and cower away in fear and loneliness.
As a final act of defiance and dominance; I decided to climb the 10 tallest trees in the world. This picture was taken only seconds after I accomplished this seemingly impossible, yet for me; trivial task.This concludes this chapter of my plausible tale which happened.For more undeniable proof that this adventure took place visit this site and behold it in all its glory:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/borderlys
Thursday, January 15, 2009
SNL - Digital Shorts
Today my post is a tribute to Saturday Night Live's "Digital Shorts" which are constantly getting pulled offline cause of NBC's copyright enforcement policy. Enjoy!
Dog Lawyer:
Dick in a Box
Lazy Sunday (The Chronicles of Narnia):
Roy Rules:
Dear Sister:
Last but far from least; Business Meeting:
R: Mounted tiger head?
M: Longer lunch breaks?
R: Did you even prepare for this meeting?
M: No...
Dog Lawyer:
Dick in a Box
Lazy Sunday (The Chronicles of Narnia):
Roy Rules:
Dear Sister:
Last but far from least; Business Meeting:
R: Mounted tiger head?
M: Longer lunch breaks?
R: Did you even prepare for this meeting?
M: No...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sustainability intelligence: the future of enterprise software?
This is a PowerPoint Presetation that I gave at Instituto Stela. It's about a product idea in for them in an emerging market that I am calling Sustainability Intelligence which is a mix of Business Intelligence and Sustainable Development. It's probably pretty hard to follow if I am not explaining it as you go through it... but it does have lots of fun pictures to keep you all entertained.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Best Christmas Card Ever!!!
To bring you all this blog entry I am cutting through all my self imposed red tape. I find it urgent enough to completely bypass all my regular blog entry filtering and prioritizing bureaucracy so that you can witness pure CheenuisTM* (Cheese & Genius) at work... or maybe play. The art is credited to political powerhouse couple Marc and France and is being made available on account that A) It's hilarious and B) If you pay Canadian taxes, you probably helped fund it.
Enjoy...
*CheenuisTM is a registered TradeMark of Shamus Inc.
Please appreciate the fact that France doesn't play the mini guitar and that she seems to be playing the long lost soviet note "K sharp minor"(K should be backwards), that Marc never holds his coffee at chest level at back at home and that the fireplace seems to be pulled from a late 90s Eaton's Christmas catalogue. Also note the constant hand on the shoulder. The twinkle in Frances eye seems to have disappeared but that is likely just another Festivus Miracle.
Hope you all love this to your graves! Cause after all, isn't that what the spirit of Jesus Day is all about?
Enjoy...
*CheenuisTM is a registered TradeMark of Shamus Inc.
Please appreciate the fact that France doesn't play the mini guitar and that she seems to be playing the long lost soviet note "K sharp minor"(K should be backwards), that Marc never holds his coffee at chest level at back at home and that the fireplace seems to be pulled from a late 90s Eaton's Christmas catalogue. Also note the constant hand on the shoulder. The twinkle in Frances eye seems to have disappeared but that is likely just another Festivus Miracle.
Hope you all love this to your graves! Cause after all, isn't that what the spirit of Jesus Day is all about?
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