Saturday, December 26, 2009

Burning Down The House (but not for real)


Ottawa December 26th 2009: Yesterday night (Christmas), my mom's neighbor's fire alarm was going off. The house was filled with smoke and 911 was called. Luckily it was just a ton of smoke from a smoldering fire in the fireplace. Nobody was home and there was no real damage. Lots of firetrucks though, so that was pretty cool. Another Festivus Miracle! Perhaps later we can do the "The Feats of Strength" or "The Airing Of Grievances".

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas, Christmas Hurry Fast

OK sports fans, It's Xmas in less than 2 hours so I have to make this one short. Here are some pictures of the family Christmas tree with a brief explanation:
First off, here is what the tree looks like. This year for the first time in Mike History I somehow assumed the authority of what the tree's theme would be and had veto over what could be on the tree and what would not. Those who know me would not be surprised to learn that sentiment holds less than average value to me when compared to most. So I didn't care whose dying wish it was that this glass figurine be as our tree's angel: it didn't meet my colour scheme criteria, so it's out! My scheme was basically Red and silver only. I streached it to include gold and green as well. Why did everyone allow me this dictatorship? I could only think of two reasons. 1) I spoke with unwavering authority and confidence. 2) Everyone knew from previous experience that there was always the underlying threat that I could begin projectile launching decorations at the tree at the drop of a candy cane. Typically this practice of mine (and my accomplice sister), could suck the joy of of any tree decorating ceremony faster than Dracula could drain a hemophiliac on Aspirin. Anyway the tree passed inspection and here is what it looked like:

Another thing to note is that when it comes to ruining Xmas tree decorating I am somewhat of a quadrupal threat. Aside from throwing decorations into the tree, I also hide small pieces of laundry & Kleenex brand tissues in people's trees. This practice is my Hallmark calling card so that people know who ruined their holiday season. I have another trick where I take translucent Xmas bulbs and place them over the Xmas light bulbs. This is subttle but awesome. My last feat of strength is that I rebuild Crystal Palace every year in the depths of my own tree. Crystal Palace is a place that (I like to believe) a super villain would feel at home carrying out his or her earth-conquering duties in a stylish and relaxed setting. This year's was more discreet than most. Plot away Dr. Quail! Plot away!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Merry Christmas.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Tribute to Time Lapse Videos

I don't have much to say about this, but here is a time lapse video of the assembling of the rink at Fenway Park where the NHL's Winter Classic will take place in the new year. The Boston Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers will face off in the Winter Classic NHL hockey game on Jan. 1, 2010. If your fear of time lapse videos is not crippling then I highly recommend that you watch.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Tribute to German Class

Today we are all going to celebrate one of the great "Wonders of My Three Years of German Class" in high school at École secondaire publique De La Salle. Although the wonders of this 3 year journey are many and densely spaced, this tongue-twister/song/poem has stuck with me for some time, and today I found the many missing verses of it that I never cared for. I share them with you all on this day.

The song is called "Ob er aber über Oberammergau" and pays tribute to Oberammergau which is a municipality in the district of Garmisch-Partenkirchen, in Bavaria, Germany. At least that's what it said on Wikipedia. Also featured in the song, is Oberammergau neighbouring town of Unterammergau.

Ob er aber über Oberammergau

Heut kommt der Hans zu mir,
Freut sich die Lies'
Ob er aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau.
Oder aber überhaupt net kommt,
Des ist net g'wiss.

Heut geht die Lies' mit mir
Zum Schützenfest.
Ob sie aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau
Oder aber überhaupt net geht,
Steht noch net fest.

Wenn die Uhr zwölfe schlagt
Geh'n wir nach Haus.
Ob wir aber über Oberammergau,
Oder aber über Unterammergau
Oder aber überhaupt net geh'n
Ist noch net 'raus.

Hans ißt den Schweizerkäs
Mit dem Gebiß.
Ob er'n aber über'n Oberkiefer kaut,
Oder aber über'n Unterkiefer kaut,
Oder aber überhaupt nicht kaut,
Ist nicht gewiß.

That was more than a mouthful and should never be preformed in front of a live studio audience, unlike the Cosby Show. I found this cautionary video on YouTube on how not to sing the song. This guy seems German and seems to be at some sort of German Beer Fest taking place between the months of September and and November. He's pretty close, but he's waaaaay off.



If you or your friends have come across any fun adventures featuring this poem I'd love for you to share them with somebody interested in them. That is all for now.

UPDATE:

This guy sings it way better but has a different accent than the one taught in my german class which this very blog is tributing:

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Feliz Natal Stela

Friends, family,... esteemed colleagues, great nations, random internet predators and... esteemed colleagues, behold: one of lost wonders of the internet. I bring forth to you today, a video of a dance of such calliber that only the eyes of the seven riches kings of Brasil are worthy of it; a dance that could only be created by the finest Business Intelligence team at Instituto Stela; it has no real name so the dramatic tension kind of fizzles out here.

This is the story of a dance that we all worked very hard on last year for Christmas. Admittedly, it took much hard work, practice and sacrifice as well as plenty of blood, sweat and tears (the tears were mostly Dhiogo who at first didn't care much for the music). But in the end, a tasteful dance blossomed and the fruits of our labors nourished the hungry stomachs of our empty souls. We had found our calling. The dance consumed us.

It was at this point that we decided that this dance was special and that it should never be preformed or even spoken of again. We all took a solemn oath that day that from that point on, we would all act as if the dance had never even existed, Fernando also insisted that we mention that the dance might be haunted. We all enthusiastically agreed with poor Fernando knowing full well that he just wanted attention. That was to be the end of the dance.

However, moments after swearing the most sacred oath to forever deny the dance's existence (and that maybe it was haunted), Marcio quietly mentioned that maybe it would be better to tour the land preforming our dance for all to see. This novel yet simple idea filled us with joy and hope. Marcos was so rapturous that squealed with glee so high pitched that it shattered the martini glasses that we were eating our Multigrain Cheerios out of. The Cheerios being part of our complete breakfasts. The sound also caused all the fire hydrants withing a kilometer to explode and 2 doves fell from the sky. We took this as a friendly omen that you should never break an oath; no matter how hastily you took it, or how many orphan children would be deprived of the most beautiful display of artistic effort ever to be preformed by a business intelligence unit.

Then and there, we took a second even more "most sacred" oath to never take nor break an oath again. Moments later just as Marcio was about to comment, Fernando and Dhiogo silenced him with a magical dance move they had been practicing with the EKP team during lunch hour. Then, as Marcos finished helping me bandage my bleeding nose (another casualty of the high-pitched expression of delight), we all returned to our cubicals to play Solitaire and Hearts and never was the dance preformed again.

Today my friends and foes, one year later, I bring to you long lost footage the forbidden dance which I probably never mention again due to certain "blood oaths" I allegedly made.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards


This dance was brought to you by JibJab, Office Max and the great tasted of Multigrain Cheerios: Theeeeeeeeeeere Great!